Starlight
by Call Me Miss Sweet
Summary: Zelda Nohansen, of sound mind and sensible soul, had finally decided that it was high time she lived her life. AU, Peach/Zelda. T for now.


A/N: K. So, yeah. I tried to write a second chapter to The Sixth Sense, and this huge fucking AU idea came out instead, and I'm like 'wat r u doin brain' and then I just said fuck it and went with it.

Disclaimer: I don't own any video-game concept ever. Any of them. At all. Period. Why am I being so vague? Let's just say that I don't believe in using original characters. You'll get it later on in life.

Warnings for Those Darn Queers, drug-usage, gratuitous use of expletives, fat chicks needing love too, not everyone being white, what can be considered Paganism but if you've ever played Zelda you should really just buckle the fuck up and deal with it, headshots, and I'd warn for more, but I don't want to give it away. Reader's discretion is advised?

Zelda Nohansen, of sound mind and sensible soul, had finally decided that it was high time she lived her life.

Of course, this wasn't because she cared what others thought about her. She didn't. She just didn't want to be _That Guy _anymore. You know who That Guy is; That Guyis the designated driver. That Guy is the one everyone wants to borrow money from. _That Guy_ gives their sweet, darling, kind-of backwater-but-not-stupid cousin Link a large box of condoms for his birthday, because not only is That Guy a passionate advocate of the practicing of safe-sex and giving people practical gifts, but they actually did the math, and calculated that said cousin was… _sexually active_ enough to use them all well before the expiration date.

Fuck, That Guy even takes the time out of their (busy, _busy_) day to stop and think on how exactly to tell said sweet, darling, kind-of-backwater-but-not-stupid cousin that they are a slut and still employ tact.

Hey, _someone_ had to do it.

Zelda simply never had the luxury of being anything less than the most cautious and effective person one could meet. Since a very young age, she'd been dotting her I's, crossing her T's, and never even considering breaking the rules. The closest she had come to ever having any sort of run-in with the authorities came in the form of bailing Link and Demyx out of jail in the wee hours of a Friday night, or Saturday morning, for something involving _chocobos_, all the while praying desperately to Din, Nayru, _and_ Farore that whatever the obscenely high pair had been caught doing was nowhere near as fucked up as Officer Kennedy made it sound over the phone.

Perhaps the loss of her mother when she was four years old gave her the urge to act as if she could raise from the dead and scold her for not doing right at any second, and when her father died as she was approaching her sixteenth year, there was merely another specter watching over her shoulder to gain the approval of.

But no more. She was going to rip herself out of her comfort zone savagely like the white man ripped the natives from their mother land. Let Shad be That Guy. Or Ashei.

"I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who _knows_ a guy whose roommate is this lady named _Peach,"_ The aforementioned woman paused for a moment to defy the laws of logic and blow a bubble with chewing gum and waggle her eyebrows suggestively, "and from her, you can get the _perfect_ gift." The bubble popped, and Zelda bit down on her lower lip to prevent a wry look from overtaking her features. Between the piercing sound of the gum popping, and the questionable way the girl in front of her had said _know_ the fourth time, she was nearing the end of her rope. "You're interested, yeah?"

"What exactly… did you have in mind?" The smile that captured the entire bottom half of Ashei's face raised all seven-hundred-and-six red flags in the cautious brunette's head.

"Get him an Edible." The raven-haired girl popped her gum again and leaned forward on the counter between Zelda and herself, her chin resting on the steeple that was her fingers.

Shooting her an incredulous look, Zelda pinched the bridge of her nose. "… Something that can be eaten?"

"Aw," Ashei cooed, "that's cute. I completely forgot how much of a goddamn _nerd_ you are." One of Zelda's eyes twitched. "No, silly, I mean like 'special' brownies." A blank stare. "… A weed cake?"

Oh _yeah_, that word _was_ adopted as a slang term.

It was almost as if Ashei had heard her contemplating passing the torch of That Guy to her, and wanted desperately to remind Zelda that she was far too irresponsible for that title. "Um," The brunette flushed, and drummed her fingertips across the counter while narrowing her eyes at the black-haired girl skeptically, "why would I get Link a weed cake?"

The raven-haired girl shook her head, smirking. "That is not the question, my fellow countryman. The question is: Why _wouldn't_ you?"

Even though she could _effortlessly _answer that question, the brunette just bit her lip, for she was certain the question was rhetorical. It was only _weed_. It wasn't like she was getting him cocaine Pixie Sticks. _They do say it is a gateway drug,_ That Guy chided from the deep recesses of her mind.

She metaphorically shot That Guy a glare, and asked Ashei for the number, ignoring the nagging protests in the back of her mind.

Zelda tentatively pressed her ear to the phone. After three rings, someone answered.

"Hello?" A decidedly masculine voice inquired. Or, at least, she was pretty sure that she would have heard that word completed with a questioning inflection if she hadn't hung up the second she heard a voice.

Staring down at the phone in her trembling hands, the brunette sighed. She'd always had phone-anxiety, especially if she did not know the person.

"Okay, let's try this again." She cleared her throat, pressed redial, and fought the urge to throw her phone across the room.

The masculine voice answered again, after two rings this time. "Hello?"

Zelda's eyes went wide and four seconds passed.

"… _Hello_?"

She opened her mouth, and the sound of a keese that had just gotten thrown into a wall _really fucking hard_ from point-blank range was all she could muster up.

So, she hung up again.

May the life-crippling power of social ineptitude never be underestimated.

Fuck _all_ of this; she was just going to get him that antique ocarina she'd seen in the Castle Town market last time she went home to Hyrule.

_Yes_, That Guy hissed from within, with a victorious undertone. _It's a very considerate gift._

Zelda frowned and dialed again.

"What do you _want_ from me?!" The man all-but-pleaded after answering on the first ring.

"Uh," She blurted out. "Hi. I- um, I'm Zelda."

"… What?"

"I'm looking for…" Zelda glanced down at the piece of paper from Ashei. "Um, _Peach_?"

"Oh. Why'd you keep hanging up?" The man no longer sounded perturbed. "She just got here, hold on." The brunette let out a sigh of relief as the phone was handed over.

"Hi!" An impossibly bright voice chirped from the phone. "Who's this?"

"Zelda."

"Hi, Zelda! I'm Peach! How are you today?" The bright voice replied in a ridiculously friendly tone. Zelda's cheeks flushed and she tugged at a lock of her chestnut hair.

"Um, I'm fine. And yourself?"

"I'm great! I like math."

"I like math, too!" Zelda found herself blurting out.

"Awesome! I never meet other people who like math!"

"Wait, _what_—no, I've never met you. I don't know you." The brunette found herself completely confused. How did they even—

"It's never too late to make a new friend, right?" The girl laughed. Zelda found herself smiling despite herself.

"I suppose it isn't… wait. NO." She pressed her fingers to her temple. "You're side-tracking me. I called you for a reason."

"Oh?" The girl on the other line replied.

"Yes. Um, someone from school told me you make… edibles?"

"Oh! Yes! I do that!" The girl said, laughing airily. "How old are you, though?"

"I'm twenty-three."

A laugh of relief. "Alright. It's cool if you're not, though!" Zelda's brown eyes narrowed incredulously. "So, hey. This isn't my phone. Do you live on-campus or what? Because—_Dude, I'm almost done— _I can come to your house and we can talk about the details." There was a sound of rustling papers in the background.

"No, I live off-campus, but it's incredibly close; I can meet you at the end of the block near Mona Pizza?" The sounds of Peach frantically looking for paper stopped.

"Oh! Okay! I know where that is. Just wait outside, alright? I'll be there in like 5 minutes— _I _love_ how you're the one who's throwing a shitfit, and not Ike, you know, the one who _owns_ th—"_ The line went dead before Zelda could agree. The brunette set her phone down and rubbed at the bridge of her nose in relief. At least the hard part was over. Now, all she had to do was give the girl the money.

The sweet, cheerful voice echoed through the Hylian's head, but a small part of her, _That Guy_, was busy at work trying to convince Zelda that _no one_ could be that sincerely excited to talk on the phone with someone new. Without the aid of drugs, people like that simply didn't _exist_.

The brunette stretched, cracking her spine and walked out of her room to where her cousin sat cross-legged at the makeshift altar situated in the living room, softly playing a long brass concert flute. The light of the three strangely-colored candles lit before him moved across his face oddly from his gentle sway in time with the music. She bit her lip and tried to remember the name of the song he played.

She stood with her back pressed to her door quietly, letting him finish the song before she guessed its title. "… Song of Storms?" She asked, inadvertently startling him. He turned, the shocked look on his face melting into a gentle smile when he saw her.

"… In the last letter Ilia sent me, she said they were having trouble back home due to a drought. All I can really do is hope that the Goddesses answer for them," he explained, laying the long flute across his thighs. "When did you get home?" The brunette smiled back, pointing to her room.

"I've been here for a while. I was at the liquor store Ashei works at, but… I came back." Her cheeks colored slightly as she stumbled over her words as she tried to keep the surprise a secret. This made her flaxen-haired cousin laugh softly.

"I must have still been sleep, I guess." Pastel blue irises flickered to the pair of boots near the door that Zelda's eyes strayed towards. "Where are you going?"

"Mona Pizza," Zelda said, turning to put on her boots. "I'm supposed to meet this girl there."

"Oh." Link turned back around to face the candles, and the longer there was silence, the longer Zelda was certain he sounded entirely too pleased with himself. She paused in what she was doing, about to open her mouth when he softly added, "Have fun, Zelda."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She frowned and narrowed her eyes. He didn't turn around, but she could see his broad shoulders shaking with laughter.

"It means _have fun._"

Realization dawned on her. "No," the brunette pointed an accusing finger at her cousin. "_No_. You stop. You stop _right now_."

He just burst into laughter, leaning forward. Zelda huffed, red-faced, and yanked her boots on, ignoring him calling after her, "There is _nothing_ wrong with being–"

The slam of the door echoed sharply through the small hallway as Zelda hastily descended the stairs to the entrance of the apartment building.


End file.
